Illumination by Jan Tracz

Occasionally, Peter's name appears when we text in our group chat, invoking a solemn reminder that he is still there. As I view his name, a stream of consciousness clouds my mind, continuously spewing thoughts of how I might fill this ever-growing crater. The glimpse of Peter's former self quickly subsides, and the realization dawns again: my lifelong friend had lost his battle with cancer. Compromising my emotions is difficult - I don't know whether to fabricate some feelings or grieve this unreasonable robbery. What I do know, however, is that my battle, through his legacy, had begun. His life had just developed into a guiding light.

Cancer had deprived me of someone nothing could compensate for.

At the moment of his death, it was as if Peter had handed a torch to me - I was his reflection, and his wake would illuminate my path to the future. I began attending events in Peter's name, where I worked with his family to provide a satisfying experience to all those who attended. Giving back to the community was something I was now very passionate about because of the happiness I could bring to the lives of others. Countless blood drives, merchandise sales, and advertisements became a monthly routine. Collaborating with like-minded individuals through Peter's foundation has not only strengthened our bond but also magnified our impact on the community. Together, we have forged a network of support and compassion, creating a ripple effect of positivity that echoes Peter's enduring legacy. Under the umbrella of a newly established foundation in his name, his other friends and I collaborated towards the cause of childhood cancer awareness. It was here that I noticed a critical shift in my outward character. Simply put, I began to catch myself maturing emotionally and socially. Throughout these experiences, I have unearthed an innate sense of interconnectedness with the world, which has provided me with a profound comprehension of my place within it. Each instance of amazement and marvel serves as a tribute to Peter's vivacity for life and his resolute conviction in the potency of exploration and discovery.

I'll attribute this growth to Peter's social archetype, which I inherited. He was always one to effortlessly navigate situations I had previously found way too uncomfortable. I noticed a growing confidence in how I interacted with others. Expressing my thoughts, opinions, and reservations was no longer the challenge it used to be. This dam - once blocking the rivers of courage and conviction - was no more.

There was this injection of determination into my veins - an injection for which I will always have Peter to thank.

The subsequent usage of my newfound courage, however, is indisputable. Reflecting on my perseverance in conquering my emotions, I knew I was ready to navigate the world despite the challenges and trepidations life would throw at me. Embracing unique challenges was something that my family had been pushing me to do since entering high school. "What was the point?" I would ask. Little did I know taking initiative in my endeavors only acted as a stepping stone towards my overall growth. With every act, my self-confidence developed with it. I turned foundationless fear into boundless belief, morphing into who I am today. I write this with immense pride in myself, only just understanding the true meaning of courage and having the opportunity to achieve it.

I look back on Peter's passing as a heart-wrenching experience that simultaneously catalyzed profound personal growth. Through my determination to honor his memory, I learned the importance of employing courage and the ultimate transformative power of stepping outside my comfort zone.

Peter's legacy motivates me daily, reminding me that the capacity to grow, adapt, and move forward is always possible, even in the face of adversity.

-Jan Tracz